swans... flying... floating... dreaming...

i have dreams that i can walk on the tips of my toes..

i am almost flying.. i just lift off of the ground
just like there is no gravity...
i move my arms like im floating in water..
and float around the room.. weightless...
i touch one toe to the ground every so often..
bouncing off and twirling.. and setting back down.
like you would in a salt pool... but in the air.
ive had these dreams since i was a little girl.

in my most recent dream:
i was floating around the room
backstage at an old theatre..
when i happened upon 4 girls
wearing these very dresses...
(but made life sized)


(i had been looking at them the night before on
holly doodles blog and they crept into my dream)

the dresses were new again.. and the
girls had tiaras and glittery eyes.
they blinked rapidly were eager to learn
how to float through the air like me...
i tried to teach them.. but they started
getting angry and started being mean..
then i couldnt do it anymore.
i was stuck to the ground.

last weekend i found a silver swan charm
at an antique market.. its very old and heavy..
and it hasnt left my neck since then...
one time not too long ago i was in my garden
and a swan flew right over my head..
i would have given anything to have had a camera a that moment..
it was so magical and eerie. i didnt even know swans flew
until i moved to england... silly of me i guess...

im pretty sure hes coming back tomorrow

we had a snowbird show this afternoon at union chapel...
having a show at noon in a church is definitely weird.
i was deliriously tired.

i know i said something about flashing my beaver to the gas man,
true story: and then apologized for saying beaver in church.. (again)
i mean beavers are important.. without them wed have no dams.
shit! i said dam.
damn! i said shit.

star playground

im reading "the gift"
i got it yesterday when i was early to ballerina
and had to snoop around the bookstore...

this morning i put a butterfly mobile in my room.
it made me think of tiny puffy origami stars
the size of your fingernail....

once i was in a vietnamese restaurant
and a young girl was making the stars.
she was so skinny... most of her self
was just long black hair and a grin.
on the table in front of her were hundreds
of tiny tiny tiny 3-D paper stars.
she had paper cranes too...
i must have looked at them so longingly
she just grabbed a whole handful and
with a smile the size of her whole head
handed them out to me nodding...

i learned how to make them too...
i got a whole pack of white tracing paper
and began to fold... and fold... and fold...

i threaded them with nylon thread
and thumb-tacked them everywhere...
from my ceiling and from my walls..
from lamps...from my book case..
from shelves and frames...
from doorknobs and cabinets..
they swayed in the breeze..
they tangled with each other...
seems i had made a playground
of stars.. people would come
over and blow on them
or bat them around
and make cat noises.

this got me thinking of the fact that it started with a gift.
a gift is free.. a gift is only a gift because its given.
it doesnt have a name attached.. no praise or glory
just a little act that brought us all a bit of happiness...

it seems other people have had the same idea....
when i looked for a picture of them online
i read on a blog that an art student filled
tons of little bottles with the tiny stars
and left them places for people to find.

i think its time for another star playground.. dont you?
heres how you do it...

im going to hogwarts

we walked up stone turrets
and admired the bows on
our shoes with every step.

all of them come true

i found a place in the birch trees
they are chalky white and magical...
grandma says the trees are made
of a million sheets of white paper..
if you write a wish on one of them
it will come true.. but you cant tell
anyone what you wrote.. one summer
i stripped those trees bare with wishes.

everything matters ... even if its just a little bit.

im learning this song on the piano
i love how the melody seems to sit on ribbons.

in other news:
petal has been over all weekend for a girls weekend.
we got a bunny kit. its a kit to make a bunny.
not a real one. its made of felt. and thread.

i wouldnt have thought that i would be sitting
on a fake motorcycle next to a gigantic iron
lion in camden with laura and pinky today.
it was surreal and just the breath of fresh
unabashed american air that i needed.
bless bless bless their american hearts.
and...! they brought me cap'n crunch.

also:
petal and i got our tickets for the clothes show london today!
i got some mammoth heels for the occasion but i put them on the table.
natanya reckons its bad luck. so im hoping the result isnt *i fall over*

croquettes croquet. is fun. do it. ill catch.

every morning my 2 little white cats wake me up.
they want to go in the garden.
"we want to eat grass" they say.
i get my coffee and molly the labrador
and go out to the garden to
let my little sheep graze.

i have to have molly with me,
because when the sheep wander too far
i just say "molly get the lambs!"
and she will run after them and
stop them dead in their tracks
and herd them back inside.
she loves to do this..
she puts her nose on their backs
and sort of tries to pin them down
its so funny... they totally tolerate it.

we had ballerina today..
my turn out is getting better
and im working on bending my feet clear in half
so thats gotta be good right.
afterwards petal and i got spanish tapas
and decided to move above the restaurant
so we could just roll out onto the balcony and have
them throw cheese croquettes up through the bars and
into our mouths when we just cant make it downstairs.

aw come on now thats not even fair.

i am completely powerless if you
post something like this on ebay.
all the strength in my whole body
goes directly to my "buy it now" finger.
my "bring it home and give it some milk"
instincts have gotten me in loads of trouble.

fawns are hard to find.. and so are cream tights

yesterday i was looking online for cream stockings
they are really hard to find.. i dont know why.
so i did.. as i sometimes do.. post a stupid
question into google. "why cant i find
cream stockings?" .. turns out the
answer is they make your legs look fat.

kitten kitten come home

last night i had a dream that i was on a huge old stage
with all the boys from menudo and some old
vaudevillian actresses... there were 5 huge
vintage brocade curtains covering the stage.
we were singing "ill be there" and pushing back the curtains
as more and more dancers and ballerinas appeared.
the audience were enraptured and eating green apples.

when we had pushed back all the curtains
and the show was over we all began to
run to the forest.. we were running
and ambling through the moss and
over the stones.. dance shoes and tights
scurrying over the deep dark forest floor...
some of us found old victorian bicycles
and so we were riding them...
i leapt off of my bicycle
to ford a giant black stream.
but some dancers didnt see the water..
it was very deep, cold and rushing..
they plunged straight in with their bicycles,
their tutus hitting the water and sinking under.
they came up with their dark wet hair
still in perfect buns.

in real life i found this kitten yesterday.

pas de deux

here i am at my first ballerina class!
tar har har har just kidding.
it was loads fun though
and we are definitely
going back every
week.

im not calling it ballet class,
im calling it ballerina class
because im not studying to be a ballet
im studying to be a ballerina!

and also its much more fun to say
"see ya later! im going to ballerina now!"
as i walk out the door.
no one else seems to think this is funny
bit i think its dead funny so im running
it into the ground like everything else.

snowbird show in brighton tonight...
lacy knee-highs and gold shoes ready set go!

birthDAY

i dont think im too old for barnyard animals on my cake.
the sheep was the best one of course so we made him the star.
i let them melt too long though and it became a bit disturbing.

tomorrow natanya the petal and i are getting ballerina lessons!
too bad i ate so much cake today i cant even fit into my tights.

snowbird show

we have a show tonight at shepherds bush.
shepherd.. should really be sheep-herd
cause thats what a shepherd does.
i guess they couldnt be bothered
to put in that extra e.
regardless.. im going
to call it sheepherds bush
tonight when im on stage
and getting all nervous.

im so nervous that i
cleaned my closet.
and tomorrow is
my birthday.

soy un caballo

last night petal and i went to see soy un caballo
at union chapel ... they were so lovely and
natanya bought me a kitten pin from the table.
at the end when i was talking to thomas,
i realized he had the same one and it was cute.

colleen

this is the only record anyone ever really needs.

moonraking

these lanterns are made by the people of slaithwaite
for their yearly moonraking festival held in february.
they dress up, sing, dance and float lanterns down the canal
to tell the story of "the moonrakers".

the story goes:
in 1802 some smugglers working on one of the barges
secretly buried some rum under the reed beds in the canal...
later when they came to retrieve the loot, they were just about
to rake it out of the water when some customs men happened
on the scene. the officers shouted to the men and asked them
what they were pulling out of the water.

one of the smugglers noticed the moon reflected in the water and said,
"are you blind? cant you see that the moon has fallen into the water,
and were trying to rake her out before she drowns!" the customs men
looked at each other and burst out laughing. "moon fallen in the water?
a right lot of moonrakers you are!" and went about their business.

im desperate to go next year..
i think you can take classes
where you make a lantern.
i want to make a ghost.


*info from slaithwaitemoonraking.org*

welsh lamb sweethearts

for some reason little lambs make me hysterical.
its the funny way they stare at you.. or the way they run.
simon stopped the car every 15 all the way though wales
so i could get out and say hello in baa language.
i made them this little film montage.
the slo-mo cracks me up...
and the little one chewing in his sleep!

i originally had jane siberry's
"mary had a little lamb"
playing over the top,
but youtube said no.

it fits in the bookshelf

when we drove though wales to get to the ferry to dublin
we stopped at a seaside antiques market on the way.
it had the cutest old rocking horses in the window.
i was looking for a chair to sit in onstage,
and lo and behold i found the cutest one!
i brushed off the ghost and paid only 11 pounds for it.
its really made for a child... but i fit on it fine if i squish.

on the subject of bunnies:

1. use a soft brush
2. provide a habitat
3. grow carrots in a pot
4. sprinkle paws with powdered sugar for detection of whereabouts

merry may day

i really wanted to make a maypole today..
but i couldnt.. you really need a lot of
people to make a maypole... and
today i dont really have any.. people that is.
unless you count the tadpoles in my frog pond
in that case i have shit-loads.
im going to put some in a bowl
so i can watch their legs pop out.

im listening to bears today
and i love the record cover.
this review on itunes
talked me into buying it:

horrible band ****
"their music sounds good and everything, but i just cant tolerate their support of bears. these godless killing machines are everywhere and now they have a band named after them? we cannot let bears be associated with good music like this, it could desensitize the children to the horrible threat of bear attacks. they smell fear, they hate our freedom and they want our sweet sweet honey."