Thursday, 12 February 2009
the history of almost all useful things
get the print *here*
im writing a book on the history of almost all useful things.
there will be characters.. bunnies and cacti with nice manners
and of course a fox and a wolf who are best friends
who chew taffy and get drunk on spritzers.
i will let them decide what is useful and what is not
after all. its subjective isnt it.
what the fuck.
last week i heard a little voice in my head tell me
that there was a little box with a ballerina twirling in it
at my very favorite local charity shop...
i was overconfident. i was lazy. i was reckless.
i stayed in bed and counted stars out my window.
i swept the floor. i darned a pair of wool socks.
and finally today i walked down to hunt it.
i asked joyce where it was
"hey do you have a little jewelry box with a twirling ballerina in it?"
she opened her eyes wide and said "oh. we had one last week, but it sold"
i felt like i had been smacked in the face.
i missed the ballerina bus.
(i did find a cute pansy fairy tea light for 50 pence)
but i was smarting.
so i wandered numbly to the next charity shop.
and the hideousness of my lesson multiplied.
i informed the lady
(who consistently and shamelessly sings anita baker songs
at the top of her lungs in the most off base voice in the known world)
that i was on the hunt.
"oh" she says. "we had one last week but it sold"
i know there are big problems in the world
i mean. ive got some of them...
this little double bee sting
let me know that
if you dont get off your ass
and follow the voices in your head
and proceed in life with full steam ahead
then some other bitch is going to buy up
all your ballerinas and you are going to
be shit out of luck sitting there alone just
running out of burts bees lip balm till you die.
im going to go watch annie hall
and sew leather onto the bottom
of my new pixie boots... like you do.